This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize