Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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