I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
