you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
