My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
