Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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