So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
