It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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