Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
