I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
