How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
