Moan for me like Helen Keller
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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