I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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