So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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