Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
