I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
