Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
