how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
