I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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