she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
