please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
