So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
