You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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