Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my poor anus
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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