You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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