Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh god it's open bar.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
