I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
