just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
