but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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