Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
