you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
