we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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