Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
