playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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