The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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