Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
