Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I FOUND THE LEGS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
