Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
