Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
