; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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