No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
COCAINE IS GR8
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I want a musical about memes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
