i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
