btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
