I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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