i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
