so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
