I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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