So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
