Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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