So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
