a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
