Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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