But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
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