You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
