so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
