my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
