I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
