I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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