well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
whose ass print is on the piano?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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