Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
